Seven Happiness Sins and Remedies
The “Sins” of happiness that are very prevalent and that
make a serious dent in our happiness levels. There are seven such deadly sins.
Listed below are the seven sins, how they might lower our happiness levels and
suggested habits (of the highly happy) to overcome those sins and enhance our
happiness levels.
(Summarized
from the Coursera course A LIFE HAPPINESS AND FULLFILLMENT
https://www.coursera.org/learn/happiness/home/welcome
1)
Devaluing
happiness
Even though we want to live a happy and fulfilling life, we
all sacrifice happiness for other things like money, success and fame and later
wonder why we are unhappy. We devalue happiness because of wrong beliefs about
happiness, not defining happiness properly and due to media maximization (such
trying to maximize wealth which is only the means for happiness).
The antidote or habit to get over it is Prioritizing but
not pursuing happiness
2)
Chasing
superiority
Many of us believe that secret to happiness is in being
superior to others. We want to the richest, fastest, smartest, most beautiful,
most powerful, etc. But chasing superiority is one of the biggest killers of
happiness, success and productivity. We seek superiority to boost self-esteem,
measure our progress towards mastery and to gain a sense of freedom and
autonomy.
Antidote is or habit to overcome the need for superiority
is to seek and experience “flow” in work and in our other meaningful activities
in life.
3)
Being needy or its opponent being avoidant
We all want to be in loving and caring relationship, but
often times this is expressed in unhealthy ways. Many times we are guilty of
being too needy. Being needy or its opposite being avoidant is not good for
happiness. Being needy make us less attractive to others and makes us view
ourselves in a negative light. Being avoidant makes us less likable to others
and makes our interactions more painful and lowers our overall satisfaction
with life and work.
Antidote or habit to get over the sin is to be securely
attached. Not being afraid of intimacy or being desperate about it. The way to
get over neediness is to be self-compassionate with yourself when being needy,
and expressing gratitude when things go well, which can act as a bridge to
others and make one feel more secure. The antidote for being needy or avoidant
is to be more loving and giving by being more kind and generous
4)
Being
overly control seeking
We are happy if people in our life behave the way we want
or outcomes if our interest are favorable to us (like our team winning a ball
game, or getting the house arranged in a certain manner) and end up being
overly controlling people and outcomes and that is not good for happiness as
its lowers our happiness levels. Wanting some degree of control is good thing
that it increases our happiness levels if we have it and also enables us to
achieve more. The problem is when we overdo it and become overly controlling.
Antidote to overly controlling behavior is the habit of
taking responsibility for your happiness and not blaming others for how one
feels. Once we have this internal control over our feelings and emotions, we do
need to exercise external control and makes you less desirous of external
control and hence enhances your happiness levels. Way towards this internal
control may include avoiding situations that may rise negative emotions, labelling
our negative emotions, attention deployment (turning towards things that will
evoke positive thoughts) and reappraisal without self-serving bias that serves
to make you feel good and avoiding suppressing of emotions. The habit that will
reinforce taking personal responsiblity for one’s happiness level is leading a
healthier lifestyle by eating better, moving more and sleeping better.
5)
Distrusting
Others
Distrusting others lowers happiness levels
The antidote for this sin of Distrust is the habit of
exercising “Smart” Trust where one maximizes
the benefits of trusting while
minimizing the chances of getting cheated and hurt. One can begin with the
realization that people are more trustworthy than it is believed to be and
trusting others increases the oxytocin levels in you and which in turn
increases it in the other making them more trustworthy. By trusting others, we
indirectly build a community of trust and being embedded in such a community
will increase our happiness levels.
6)
Distrusting
Life
Distrusting events and outcomes in life (such as seeing
your glass as half empty rather than half full) lowers happiness levels.
The Antidote for this happiness sin of distrusting events
or outcomes in life is Dispassionate pursuit of passion (where one is attached
to outcomes before the outcome is known and accepting it after is known). This
works better than passionate pursuit of passion or indifferent pursuit of
passion in enhancing happiness levels and also satisfies our need to be busy.
7)
Ignoring
the Source within
Unwillingness or inability to tap into the source within. This might be the most significant happiness
sin as if one could tap the source within one might in due course avoid the
other 6 sins.
The Antidote or Habit to overcome this sin is the practice
of mindfulness. Mindfulness is an ability to focus attention in a kind and
nonjudgmental way on anything we choose to. We are happy when we are in a state
of mindfulness (even while experiencing unpleasantness).
HAPPINESS DAILY CHECK LIST
Given below is check list of activities when performed may increase our happiness levels. It is best to have someone ask you these questions daily and respond honestly:
- Did I do my best to prioritize—but not pursue—happiness?
- Did I do my best to be self-compassionate (but not self-indulgent or self-pitying) when I failed at something?
- Did I do my best to be grateful for the good things that came my way?
- Did I do my best to pursue flow and steer myself towards doing something meaningful and engaging as opposed to seeking superiority?
- Did I do my best to not be needy or avoidant?
- Did I do my best to not be a taker or matcher, but rather, a Giver?
- Did I do my best to practice kindness and generosity in “otherish” vs. “selfless” ways?
- Did I do my best to not be overly controlling of others or of outcomes?
- Did I do my best to take personal responsibility for my happiness (i.e., seek internal control)?
- Did I do my best to lead a healthy lifestyle (i.e., eat right, move more, and sleep better)?
- Did I do my best to exercise “smart trust” (trust others more if low on trust)?
- Did I do my best to be forgiving of others?
- Did I do my best to look for positive consequences of even negative events?
- Did I do my best to practice mindfulness?
Prof Raj Raghunathan who teaches the Coursera course A LIFE OF HAPPINESS SELF-FULFILMENT has published the course content and more in his book "IF YOU ARE SO SMART WHY ARE'NT YOU HAPPY" available at AMAZON
http://www.amazon.in/Youre-Smart-Why-Arent-Happy/dp/1785040413/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1463466415&sr=8-1&keywords=if+you+are+so+smart+why+aren%27t+you+happy
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